I am up early like usual this morning.  I have guests, and this is slightly problematic for recording, so I’m going to need to improvise.  It is very unusual that I run into someone (who often isn’t in their retirement years) that wakes up as early as me, but I find that my new street wakes up with me.  At around 7 am loud music announces the morning.  The other day it was a guy walking around with a boombox playing REM’s “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” (that was at 6:30).  This morning it was a white car with an excellent sound system parked right across the street hitting the rap.

After the morning call of music comes the voices.  Locals are already awake, sitting on the stoop, chatting it up.  This morning I heard the words, “Jail”, “Murder”, “Hardware store”, “I gotta get paid”, in between shots of laughter sprinkled with a bit of cussing.  All of those words, mind you, were not related to one another within the conversation, though I could start a whole new rumor about something going down at the hardware store down the street.  But I would want to include a mermaid: every good story has a mermaid.

Today marks the first day of Pearl and the Beard’s second leg of tour.  I know.  That’s weird.  We intended on a full two weeks including dates up in Canada, but they didn’t pan out.  I secretly attribute it to a fiasco I got myself into a few years ago trying to do a solo show up in Toronto.  I tried to cross the border at Niagra Falls.  They said, “Why are you coming here?”  Now, what I should have said was… nothing.  But instead I said something to the effect of, “Oh, you know, playing a Radiohead show.”  Never.  Never.  Never use sarcasm at the boarder.  Never.  Needless to say, I was kicked out post haste.  Did the Canadians know Pearl and the Beard wanted to play there?  Do they have plants who report back to them? (I’ve made a few sketchy Canadian friends in my life (Erin A., Stephen M., Kayson B. [okay, Kayson is only sort of a Canadian]). I’m forming a belief they are spies set to destroy…or at least entertain me.

Today’s song will be dedicated to those officers… particularly the hottie in the booth who initially pulled me aside.

I wrote this in about 10 minutes.  The great thing about music is that you can put three chords together and have a song. Quick. Cause that’s what I need.  The cheer in the end is from my visiting anthropologist-sister-in-law Bonnie.  Recorded once and I didn’t even bother editing it because a song about Canada should only take one time with no editing.  Sorry about the internal mic use – I hate it so much.

See you on the road!  Pearl and the Beard leaves in 20 minutes for Pittsburgh, PA…check out the schedule here:

Oh, Canada

Oh Canada you kicked me out
An officer, he cast his doubt
On me, on me


Sarcastically, proclaimed my stay
A free, fine show to my dismay
Was my mistake


I called for help, you ran from me
Cried out your name, beyond the sea
But you wained, you wained


Passport sports a large black spot
Upon it now reads, “Enter Not”
Such a fool, to believe…Oh, Canada


Oh Canada, gave me the boot
The officer was super cute
Thought I could win with a smile


No matter my coquettishness
They sent me back to the eagle’s nest
America.  America.  Oh, Canada!