67. Murdered In DC (Pearl and the Beard Song Sketch)


We have arrived in DC.  The District of Columbia.  We are playing a show in a venue tonight called The Red and Black.  I’ve had several friends tell me that the area this venue is located in is super sketchy, and a few friends aren’t coming because of the high number of murders that have occurred in the area.  How depressing.  We don’t want anyone to be murdered, but we want people to come to our show.  What a quandary!  Happy show to us!   Yay!

Writing: In the discovery of this murderous news, we did a sketch song!  I almost didn’t use this recording, but I felt, and Jocelyn agreed, that this is a good way of showing you another way a song can be written, especially within a collaboration. We were all sitting around a table in Baltimore yesterday afternoon and someone just started singing this as Jeremy was playing his guitar.  We did this twice: once just goofing around and once again to make sure we got it on tape.

Recording:  Because this is a sketch, it was just recorded using the external mic on my computer.  I hate the external mic, but it’s a really fast way of getting things down, so I can’t complain.  Hey, at least there is a mic, right?

This is actually how Pearl and the Beard writes some songs; not all, but some.  Sometimes we’ll sit around and improvise like this and a song will come out.  We’ll record it and revisit it later and make it a proper song.  We’ll give each other visual cues to change strum patterns or start a different section as we go.  It’s important too that everyone gets a chance to participate.  It’s also important to see it out: we’ll keep going until it either peters out or we all intuitively end it together.  It can be a really fun time (as you can tell).

Jeremy’s School of Park and Dark Rhyme:  Nothing rhymes with park but dark.  Nope, not shark or lark or stark.  This is a constant joke within Pearl and the Beard, and now you’re in on it, too.

You know, on this tour, and on previous tours, I’ve thought to myself: I’m the luckiest person alive.  Jocelyn and Jeremy are the funniest people on earth.  When we were on tour with Ugly Purple Sweater and all packed in their van, we actually had to pull over a few times because we were laughing so hard.  That’s what it’s like driving with them now.  I am the luckiest person alive.  I love these guys.

Murdered in DC

(It’s recording)
Can’t wait to be murdered in DC…
(I don’t remember how it went)
(It doesn’t matter, don’t think about it)
Be stabbed in the face by a big gay hillbilly
Get murdered in the face with a big old machete
Murdered in the face, get stabbed by a guy named Eddie.
Get murdered in the face,
Murder me.
Can’t wait to be murdered in DC!
Can’t wait to be murdered…
In DC.
I’ve never looked so fabulous before!
My mom called today and then she said, “Hooray!
You’re coming, you’re coming, you’re coming to town!”
Then she said, “Oh friend, I got a bag for you,
It’s got rocks in it so put it down.”
So my dad… Go ahead.
So my dad called, oh wait, he didn’t call at all.
He never calls.
Jeremy has no dad/father.
Maybe that’s the guy who will be the very guy
To implicate our martyr.
Can’t wait to be murdered in DC!
Can’t wait to be murdered…
In DC.
The wind was a flash of lightning
Over the town!
Bullets and lightning bolts and rabbits were flying (Pshoo pshoo! Laser sounds)
All around and around and around!
Oh, my hair went flying off!
The blood soaked my dress
And off it came into the street!
We went to the park and indeed it was dark!
So you held my held my hand until you understanded,,,
Can’t wait to be murdered in DC!
Can’t wait to be murdered…
Dixie Chicks never saw it comin’!
Here comes Pearl and the Beard
Comin’ atcha!
In DC.
Love, I’m gone,
I’m gone the way of the dodo.
Yeah, done!
Apple S that.

6 thoughts on “67. Murdered In DC (Pearl and the Beard Song Sketch)

  1. This is exactly what it is like to hang out with you guys. Randomness, hilarity, cleverness, delight in each other, talent coming out of your rear ends, adorableness. P&TB rocks my socks off.


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