37. Where Believers Go

DAY THIRTY-SEVEN

Yes. I know.  It is 11:05 am TODAY.  I am late.  But, I have a very good excuse.  Okay.  No.  Not really.

But here is the song I wrote yesterday, but recorded this morning. I went to bed at 8 pm and woke up at 4:30.  Yuck.  Is is about these things that happened to me yesterday:

1. Getting a $115 parking ticket for double parking.  (It was Alternate Side Parking Day, duh Police Officer.)

2. I worked for several hours on today’s song (a different one) and my computer died.  I was dumb, and, as I was working, I didn’t save it.  It’s gone now.

3. While attempting to start over and re-record the work I had done, my stupid headphones (which I hated anyway) were being an inanimate object.  They annoyed me, and I was already mad, so I took them off, threw them on the ground and stomped on them.

Now, my day was not a – I just lost my job, my wife left me, my brother died and I have cancer – kind of day.  It was dumb and more like a – There was no milk for my cereal in the morning, my favorite Barbra Streisand movie wasn’t in, my pants don’t fit like they used to – kind of day.  You know?  So, I’m okay today, but I felt a little crummy regardless.

Anger management anyone?  I remained calm until the stupid headphones were stupid and it all culminated into one great stomping event.  Funny enough, garageband was recording when the massacre took place, so I might have some cool sounds to use…*I will have you know I am generally focused, though intense and emotional, I am anti-violence and unhealthy expressions of anger… (which is why I used headphones and not Lacey.)

Regardless, my tantrum was good fodder to start a different song.  This was a hard one because I DO NOT PLAY THE UKE OR THE GUITAR.  In fact, I don’t like the guitar much (probably because I can’t play it and don’t want to learn it). This song is hard because there are a lot of words, and I never use a lot of words.  I had to learn it, which is why I am late: I couldn’t play it even well enough to post it!  And the performance is still pretty weird, but whatever.  I’m now behind, but have a meeting tonight with a friend to write, so hopefully I’ll get back on track very soon.

A few things: One of my favorite lines ever is in a Travis song.  It is:

I can’t stand myself/I’m being held up by invisible men.

I love the play here lyrically.  Though I wasn’t as successful or sneaky, I tried it a little in my song.

There are a lot of themes in this which for me are all inter-connected:

1. Headphone pulverizing.

2. Policemen that make money off giving tickets to people. (I don’t actually know if this is true, but it feels like it sometimes.)

3. Religion (Yes, indeed!)

4. Foul language (which I used A LOT of yesterday)

5. Self-loathing (Who likes themselves when their mad? Do you?)

6. Friends/Lovers: some that leave, some that stick around and why in the world they’d want to after knowing a person who smashes her headphones into the ground.  (Temper is totally hereditary.  My dad said to me once, he never gets angry at people because they are flawed, but he’ll get super pissed at equipment or other items because they were made to function and complete a certain exact job and should do that job. Period.  Yeah, I see the foibles in the argument, but at least it’s honest, no?)

7. Guilt.  Oh, yes.  Guilt.

8. Losing something you’ve worked really hard for.

Well, here you go: Anger management via an impossible to play and sing song.

*One item of note: I know a lot of writers who insert a lot of tempo changes and stuff in their songs.  This has always been weird for me and difficult to pull off convincingly.  I tried it today, successful or not.  Also, used A LOT of online thesaurus, rhyming dictionary, and dictionary.  Phew.

See you tomorrow.  On time.

Where Believers Go

Fe Fi Fo Fum
I’m as bad, bad as they come
Oh Oh
It’s me you surely shouldn’t miss
Surprised you’ve made it as far as this
Oh Oh
I’m no saint, so why are you still here?
Getting worse, amassing every year
Bobby broke the bank today
I’m too slack to claim foul play
Oh Oh
Split my ears in twos and tens
They’re dead, dead, dead, let’s say amen
Oh Oh
Beat them into pieces:
Pulverize!
Ditch these odds and ends
I’ve demonized
Slaved whole three-twelfths out of my day
Don’t be surprised cause nothing saved
Oh, oh
I’ve lied, I’ve lied, I’ve lied to you
So one last kiss, then it’s adieu
I’m no one special, why you still around?
I’m sure I’ll beat us both into the ground
Place your finger on my tongue
Mind your skin the teeth have stung
Where do all Believers go?
Washed my hands in glue again
It’s sinking through right to the vein
Oh Oh
Use oily skins and metal pins
Then dry these feet with saintly sins
Oh Oh
Hated by myself more every day
I’m just glad that you, you, you
You’ve stayed.

EHP

4 thoughts on “37. Where Believers Go

  1. What I want to know is if you actually felt better after smashing your headphones… ’cause when my stereo died by my hand, it made me feel worse!

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